I'll go shut down myself. <English>

Seriously, I don't know what to say anymore. 

I mean I really don't know. 

Wow.

It's just too much I can't figure why.

First, why people always get so "physical", make comments about my appearance or I don't know, style? 

I was born this way and I have to wake up every morning in this body and see myself through the mirror. I can't change the way I look and if I can, it is a sin, I shall not do that. 

Second, my attitude. Yes, I am young, sometimes too young. That means you can tell that I can't do this thing and that thing and stuff, I can't blablabla. If you really care, I mean really CARE. Tell me what I am supposed to do. HELP ME to improve. Not just stating me that I am so lalala that I can't lalala. Pointing all my flaws. Stop underestimating, okay? And also overestimating, I am a growing person. If you just do harm, you can just leave. I don't need you. Yeah, every "you" exists in the world. I'm not a toy,okay? Please don't laugh at me all day. I'm not a joke. If you still think I'm one, go home and see me in 5 years to 10. Tell me what I did wrong, tell me what I am just too stupid to realize. Tell me.

You don't see me crying. But "you" are the reason. So, please just stop, give me some room to grow. Please. Thank you. 

Jejak

Menyibukkan diri itu penting,

1 bulan ini ntah mengapa saya gak mengedepankan akademis, tapi ngedepankan pertumbuhan. Mulai dari "mengukhtikan" diri, bersih2, masak, kerajinan tangan, sosialisasi, baito.... Hal-hal yang jarang bener saya lakukan dari lahir sampe lulus SMA.

Jujur saya orangnya sebenernya introvert lalala, mau diem aja di rumah, hikikomori. Tapi saya sadar di dunia ini yang merupakan kunjungan sementara saya saya mau ninggalin jejak apa? Kontribusi apa? Untuk berkontribusi saya perlu membentuk diri saya sedemikian rupa untuk menjadi orang yang bermanfaat. Tapi....

Sampai saat ini maaf ya ibu bapak adek sodara nenek tante om keluarga besar

Maaf ya temen2

 

Maaf ya semua

Kinan masih suka ngambek, suka nyebelin, suka seenaknya, jorok, panikan, aneh, maaf ya. Semoga kedepannya Kinan terus jadi dewasa dan gak kaya gitu lagi. Maaf.

People, people <English>

I learned a lot from people;

There are the people who truly care about you; family. 

There are the people who might not care as much. 

I have several people who I can call bestfriend, and many more are just friends.

I have the people that are destined to somehow cross my life, and stay for some time because of a common thing we need to get done; like collegues, class mates, persons I meet in organisations. 

Lastly, I have these people that give me lessons in not-so-good-but-effective way.

Underestimated, overestimated, feeling like not human at all, sharp words, second/third/forth/what best but never first, unheard, unseen, played, unnoticed, lied to, betrayed, forgotten, feeling of being unimportant, never good enough....

These are the things that can kill me or make me stronger, I learn day by day this kind of person just doesn't deserve much attention. They will not stay long, they don't do anything to keep me alive. 

I take the lesson. I try to be better.

I will continue being a "good" person, because I know what it's like to be mistreated. 

I am grateful for what I have; Allah and the ones who truly care. I shall not waste it over the ones who don't deserve. 

And if you experience the same thing, just don't forget that Allah never sleeps.

"Be yourself because those who matter, don't mind and those who mind, don't matter." - Dr. Seuss

I can be lost, I can always be found...<English>

Just a little random thought that I have for days....

I miss not being alone at night. Have someone to hug. 

Spent 15 years of my life sleeping next to my mom or my grandma, so it is hard for me to live in a huge "room", meant for 8 people to live in, alone, I could just knock on someone's door (almost 100% rejected or not heard) but now I am feeling kind of sick. 

Bring me home~~~~

Let's put it that way - simpler way <English>

When we're stressed, it might be because of our surrounding, or a person, or collective individuals, or things, etc. 

But we have to recall that our attitude could also impact our surrounding, or a person, or collective individuals, or things, etc. 

So, when your reaction towards the stress source might have bad effect, then keep it to yourself, else if you react well and are able to use it as motivation, then do share 'cause your sparks could light up someone's life. :) 

:3

Irene Adler in Disguise <English>

I have been crazy over a book lately. It is not a book actually, it is an e-book. If you are an iPhone or i"stuff" user you can easily get it in the iBook store and it is free.

So I've read only first chapter and is on my way finishing the second chapter.

The first chapter is titled "A Scandal in Bohemia" and it was, as expected, brilliant.

I've loved Sherlock Holmes novels since I was about 9. And I did read them in English, but I've spared some time, 2 years maybe, not reading Sherlock Holmes. I used to have them under the name of Penguin Reader publisher, If I'm not mistaken, and it was pretty expensive back then for an English book, but it kept awake for more and I improved my English a lot so it was okay, my father was still paying me though. 

Now that I'm a college student and I assume, every college student likes free stuff.

Everybody likes free stuff actually, Kinan. 

So, when I know it is free in the store I'm quite excited hehe. 

I downloaded the novel quite long time ago but no time to start reading it. 

But I do now.

<spoiler alert> 

First Chapter is "A Scandal in Bohemia". 

It was about a king that sent himself off to meet Sherlock and asked him to find a scandalous picture of him with a woman, Irene Adler. If the picture is not in the right hands, moreover in the Irene's hands, the   King seemed to worry that it would cost him his reputation. The King himself had had several attempts to search for the picture but it was no use. Later then discovered that Irene was a lady with beauty any man would fall for and intelligence so high not many people is within her range. 

This lady, I tell you, you should meet her, in person. Not literally in person, it is a fictional character of course, but you should really read the book and find out yourself what a lady she is. 

Even Sherlock Holmes "admires" her for intelligence. 

In the end of the chapter, Irene Adler won the fight although it was not bad for Sherlock and The King too. 

But still, a lady, a freaking lady, guys! Was a step ahead from a freaking Sherlock. That's awesome and clever indeed. 

Really, read the book. 

And when you know who is Irene Adler, I am on my way being Irene Adler in disguise. Not a precise beauty but in the form of an Indonesian petite girl. ;) 

Hmmmmm...

I know I'm weird, whatsoever, but I am not pretty sure about whether it is a reason to live for or die for. 

Meanwhile I'm just being grateful, 

If you don't like it, PLEASE LEAVE IT!

Whether it is my blog or myself. 

Thank you. From the deepest part of my heart lol.